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Nov. 7th, 2006 @ 09:49 pm So, where to begin?
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Where I'm at...: At the computer.
I'm feelin': calmcalm
I'm listening to...: Invader Zim in the background
    Begin at the beginning, as they say?  (Who are "they" anyway? Magical people/beings who say the things we've heard before but aren't quite sure where we heard it or how it came to live in our minds.)  Wow.  Now that was a set of parentheses.  What a way to start a "serious" writing journal.  Why do I put so many things in parentheses and quotation marks?  Is that how they should be shown?  These little asides that my brain comes up with that I have no idea what to do with.

    Once again I am starting a web-based "journal" as a way to facilitate my writing.  I started one a few years ago (before this whole blog thing exploded into the raging phenomenon that it is today) that ended up becoming something completely different.  The fact that this happened is not a bad thing, it just wasn't my original intention.

    Although, since it is/was my journal I have been driving its direction the whole time, thinking--no believing--I knew its destination when I started.

    My plan is to be much more conscious, more purposeful w/ this journal or writing odyssey, if you will.  If you end u reading this you may find some of the most random things written here.  I'm thinking along the lines of grammatical exercises and bizarre-borderline-non-sensical-"I-just-woke-up-and-can-barely-type kind of rants and ramblings.  This will possibly be punctuated by something intelligible and myabe, just maybe, something intelligent and worth sharing.

    I have too long allowed myself to avoid real writing, avoid being disciplined or even remotely productive--in even a therapeutic way.  I've allowed myself to wallow in the "my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would" (read: should) despairing, depressing void of one's perceived reality.   Whoa, was that existentialist?  Not sure, note to self, what is existential?  Research please.

    Know this:  I write this while immersed in a bubble bath trying to relax after work.  Hopefully I will actually take the time to type this into a journal (one that I have yet to create at this point)  **Edit to include that journal has  been created and I am now typing in it.  The goal or plan, is to write at leat once a day, even if it's crap for the little while.  Anything to start the process and the dialogue again.

    Why? Why now?

    Well the honest truth is:

          1. I no longer like anything about the industry I work in.  Retail sucks.
          2. I used to have drams that were bigger than my dreams now.  I want to dream then again.  To dream about living them.  To maybe even LIVE them one day....I convinced myself that my dreams were too lofty and unattainable and that I flat out didn't have the skills or the talent to succeed.  But I didn't even try. 
          3.  I have recently watched an opportunity of a lifetime present itself.  Unfortunately, I am too scared and not in a position to go after it because I let go of said dreams.
          4.  I want to change that before it's too late.

Huh.  Even now I am restless b/c this is proving to be harder and taking up more time than I had thought to start this.  To get this part done.  Has my attention span shrank that much?

So here's to the hope of better dreams.