Finally Waking Up...
One Word at aTime
|Sep. 5th, 2007 @ 10:22 am Morning Ramblings|
I'm feelin': contemplative
Writing. I have always dreamed of doing it for a living. Well, “always” may be a bit much but since I could actually think of a career, that’s what I’ve wanted to do. The first time that I remember being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, all the other girls had said they wanted to be models and actresses, I knew then that I wasn’t pretty enough to be one of those so I said “director”. They just stared at me. Even the teacher just stared at me like she didn’t know what I meant (now that I think of it, though, she may have been staring because I said something different than the norm). “Movie director”, I said again. “Oh”, was the response I got and then onto the next person. The next time I remember being asked a similar question was in Grade 7. I think we were doing some sort of aptitude testing or something. I had no idea what I could be; let alone what I wanted to be at the age.
I wasn’t popular in school, but I had friends. I was on sports teams, basketball, volleyball, soccer ( yes I know it’s really called football Jefe, but the team I was on was called a soccer team :D ) but I was never the star player or a “really good” player, I just came to every practice and played hard because I didn’t know any different. I wanted to win as badly as everyone else, but sports weren’t my life, they were just fun.
Swimming, though, now that was my thing, I LOVED it. Again, I was not a competitor, I did it because it was fun and I loved being in the water and I still do to this day. So, swimming came naturally to me. My Grandparents had a cottage Up North on a lake and I would swim every chance I got. But I had to be safe. I had to be safe because my Grandfather was scared of one of us drowning. The only place my Grandfather turned into a Nervous Nelly was around the water—unless he was fishing. My Grandfather couldn’t swim. He was from NB. He had his mechanic’s licence and a chauffeur’s driver’s licence at 12, and he joined the army and went overseas to fight a war at 14, but he could not swim and was afraid of the water.
So I took swimming lessons -- and so did my Dad. What? Yep. My mom was a very strong swimmer, my Dad wasn’t afraid like my Grandfather; he just didn’t know how to do more than float and the doggy paddle. He drove a boat all the time, went fishing all the time, knew how to water ski—slalom and barefoot no less—but Front Crawl, Breaststroke and treading water might as well have been ballet. So we all learned how to swim so my Grandfather didn’t have to stand on the edge of the dock, 6 seconds from panic, when we were in the water.
Wow, apparently I digress. How did this get here from me wanting to be a writer? Oh yeah, swimmingàlifeguardingàcareer. Right. So when they asked us to pick a career I picked being a lifeguard. Yeah I know, I was 13 ok? It was 1989! I blame it all on Baywatch! It all comes back to the Hoff and Pam Anderson! (Evil Monkey point! Evil Monkey point!!)
Ok, I’m going to end this here. I got thinking about this stuff because I am in the process of looking for another job. But I don’t want just another “job” unless it pays a fuck of a lot of money, I want a “career”. I have the $40,000 piece of paper that says at one point I was smart and had goals. Now where’s my dame $50,000 a year career? I’m kidding, folks. I know a university education does not equal a career, well-paying or otherwise, nor does it give me special whining rights. I’m just pissy with myself for wasting opportunities I didn’t know were right under my nose. I’m a freaking idiot and it’s a bitter pill to get stuck on the back of your tongue when you don’t have big enough glass of water to choke it down with, alright? LOL.
Ok, this rant is going nowhere fast. I gotta go be productive somewhere before I have to go to work and be productive for someone else. :D
|Mar. 14th, 2007 @ 01:43 pm The Secret and My Thoughts|
I'm feelin': contemplative
I'm listening to...: Killer Queen by Queen
I’m almost ½ way through the book before I decide I should keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings that are brought up by what I read. I’m sure I’m going to be re-reading it a few times so I can go back on what I’ve missed. However, I think it’s just as important to make note of what I remember; what sticks with me after a while.
Faith. Belief. Positivity. Not religious, but spiritual, our relationship with our universe…because it truly is ours. Empowerment. In a basic, fundamental way that has no relationship with gender, race, age, etc. It’s about taking control, but not. It’s not angry or aggressive, but focused, thought out and measured. It’s about visualization and emotional and mental organization. It’s about self-leadership and self-management.
It’s life, not about what you don’t want, don’t have but rather about what you DO want and will have, and not just material form. Emotional, psychological, it’s self-awareness brought to a whole new level.
I love the part that asks you to close your eyes and smile for a whole minute; conjure up in your mind something that makes you happy enough to smile for that minute. I thought of my husband, smiling like he is in the picture of him from his brother’s wedding that I keep with me.
Only you can change your feelings. And let’s face it, it boils down to two groups of feeling/emotions—good ones and bad ones. If you’re feeling bad, let it go, take a moment, smile and hold on to that smile…share it with others, even. If you are feeling good, hold on to that, grow it; identify what’s making you feel good.
Smile and people will notice. I can’t count the number of times I have come away from reading this book and been smiling and I’ve had people, coworkers, etc, say “what’s got you in such a good mood?” why NOT be in a good mood?
Visualization—Charles Haanel “The Master Key System” (1912)
|Nov. 13th, 2006 @ 10:43 pm (no subject)|
It seems trivial, but I am having a hard time trying to decide on a style for this new journal...
|Nov. 13th, 2006 @ 09:43 pm Appositives|
Where I'm at...: In the computer Room
I'm feelin': tired
I'm listening to...: Godsmack--Voodoo video
An appositive is a noun or pronoun -- often with modifiers -- set beside another noun or pronoun to explain or identify it. Here are some examples of appositives.
An appositive phrase usually follows the word it explains or identifies, but it may also precede it.
Punctuation of appositives
In some cases, the noun being explained is too general without the appositive; the information is essential to the meaning of the sentence. When this is the case, do not place commas around the appositive; just leave it alone. If the sentence would be clear and complete without the appositive, then commas are necessary; place one before and one after the appositive.
Here are some examples.
Underline the appositives in the following sentences.
1. My son, the policeman, will be visiting us next week.
Underline and punctuate the appositives in the following sentences. Remember: not all require punctuation.
6. Sweetbriar a company known throughout the South is considering a nationwide advertising campaign.
|Nov. 8th, 2006 @ 11:30 pm Mmmm|
Where I'm at...: On the couch watchin CSI Miami
I'm feelin': satisfied
Damn, did I concoct a fantastic pizza tonight! PIZZA PIZZA: pepperoni, green pepper and the four cheese blend. simply yummy!
|Nov. 8th, 2006 @ 10:30 am (no subject)|
Where I'm at...: In bed
I'm feelin': tired
I am proud of myself that i actually took the time to write last night, to create a new journal and then type all the things I wrote down into the blog. I had to do it in two sessions but I had someone that required my attention. I am exhausted this morning and I am not looking forward to a wonderful 9 hours at work but the bills have to be paid and I should be thankful I have a job, anyone with a job really should be. I wish I had more time to write this morning, but maybe later tonight after work. Hopefully I will remember to take notes of anything interesting or inspiring. Heck, right now, this pen is inspiring; I really like the way it writes.
**Mental note: email "E" and ask what she does as a sales rep, what her title is not to hunt her down but to understand the position better.
|Nov. 7th, 2006 @ 09:49 pm So, where to begin?|
Where I'm at...: At the computer.
I'm feelin': calm
I'm listening to...: Invader Zim in the background
Begin at the beginning, as they say? (Who are "they" anyway? Magical people/beings who say the things we've heard before but aren't quite sure where we heard it or how it came to live in our minds.) Wow. Now that was a set of parentheses. What a way to start a "serious" writing journal. Why do I put so many things in parentheses and quotation marks? Is that how they should be shown? These little asides that my brain comes up with that I have no idea what to do with.
Once again I am starting a web-based "journal" as a way to facilitate my writing. I started one a few years ago (before this whole blog thing exploded into the raging phenomenon that it is today) that ended up becoming something completely different. The fact that this happened is not a bad thing, it just wasn't my original intention.
Although, since it is/was my journal I have been driving its direction the whole time, thinking--no believing--I knew its destination when I started.
My plan is to be much more conscious, more purposeful w/ this journal or writing odyssey, if you will. If you end u reading this you may find some of the most random things written here. I'm thinking along the lines of grammatical exercises and bizarre-borderline-non-sensical-"I-just-w
I have too long allowed myself to avoid real writing, avoid being disciplined or even remotely productive--in even a therapeutic way. I've allowed myself to wallow in the "my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would" (read: should) despairing, depressing void of one's perceived reality. Whoa, was that existentialist? Not sure, note to self, what is existential? Research please.
Know this: I write this while immersed in a bubble bath trying to relax after work. Hopefully I will actually take the time to type this into a journal (one that I have yet to create at this point) **Edit to include that journal has been created and I am now typing in it. The goal or plan, is to write at leat once a day, even if it's crap for the little while. Anything to start the process and the dialogue again.
Why? Why now?
Well the honest truth is:
1. I no longer like anything about the industry I work in. Retail sucks.
2. I used to have drams that were bigger than my dreams now. I want to dream then again. To dream about living them. To maybe even LIVE them one day....I convinced myself that my dreams were too lofty and unattainable and that I flat out didn't have the skills or the talent to succeed. But I didn't even try.
3. I have recently watched an opportunity of a lifetime present itself. Unfortunately, I am too scared and not in a position to go after it because I let go of said dreams.
4. I want to change that before it's too late.
Huh. Even now I am restless b/c this is proving to be harder and taking up more time than I had thought to start this. To get this part done. Has my attention span shrank that much?
So here's to the hope of better dreams.